Session 4: Tales of a Hero

This writeup is classified as WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T EVEN and is narrated by Nathan Salazhar. Help improve it!

The cheers of victory came from everywhere. Our sergent called the group together, saying we won, and, while he doesn't say it, everyone knows who is to thank for our outstanding performance. He paused to give the men a chance to celebrate before continuing: our new orders were to try to attack town hall from the rear. Everyone quickly packed up their things while Geezer tended to the remaining wounded. We found several enemy jeeps parked where the sniper's hideout was. They would be useful, since it was not only a long way to our destination, but could reduce our chance of detection from any of the Ress bastards who didn't know the troop locations. After some discussion, we decided to skirt around the north side of fuckvile along backroads into the wooded area on the West side of town. We found no boats to pull the barges down the river, so we discussed taking a road down the east side of the river.

Kara: "I don't want to go that near the temple that has a known templar."

Me: "Don't worry, if a templar decides to go after us, I'll deal with him."

Kara: "There are still snipers and rpgs and whatever else, I'm not only worried about the templar jumping across the river. Besides, remember at the train station when a templar killed all those people?"

Me: "Not before I killed him."

I was clearly winning the conversation, but upon further discussion, my superior argument skills were not enough to convince the others to drive down the river, and it was decided to double back and take a country road that leads toward the center of fucktown. This seemed a little ballsy to me, considering the skill of most of our members, but I guess I was with them to hold their hands, so off we went. We took side roads to head toward the wooded area on the south side of fuckville.

On the road we encountered a group of 20ish traitor militia. They didn't look very well trained, and they had no weapons that could stop our convoy, but Kara attempted to approach them to talk. She quickly realized that she is an idiot and dove into the ditch when they pulled out their weapons. I am unsure what they thought they would accomplish with this besides their own deaths, but, then again, I rarely understand how militia men can be so incompetent. Present company not excluded. One of them tried to shoot at Kara as she dove, but, not surprisingly, his aim was abysmal. Seamus shot their Sergent twice and he went down like a bitch. Old fart took down the man who shot at Kara with a head shot. Not bad. Kara jumped out of her hiding spot and sprayed into the croud, hitting two people. One was assault, and his armor was quite effective, while the other had his legs vaporized. Sid killed another of the failures. Jane killed a rifleman. Judd killed someone and injured 2 more. I decided it would be quite easy to maintain his status as the man with the highest kill count by obliterating the wounded in a shower of flying bodies. The others were very impressed, once again, by my superior prowess in battle. The two remaining dove into a ditch. Sid took aim and puts a bullet through the neck of one of them. Sara shoots at the other as he attempts to flee, grazing him. Judd, being the lesser of the two rocketeers, only killed the one remaining traitor with a direct hit. Apparently he thought one fleeing, injured rifleman was worth an HE round. Kara must be fucked in the head. She photographed my victims, clearly hoping to learn how to fight effectively, but I know she lacks the proper parts.

We got as far as we could on the road, but were forced to leave our vehicles. We were pretty close to our destination at this point, with only a river and a small, forested area in our path now. Judd apparently thinks its a good idea to give his monkey a gun, as he did so as we were unloading our gear. I'll need to remember not to taunt the monkey with food if it proves a decent shot. Not that it would take much to be better than the rest of these people. We decided to cross the bridge over the western river on foot. Sid was ordered to check it out, and when she returned, she reported that there is a Ress truck with a damaged tire on the bridge. I offered that it would only take me one shot to kill the lot of them, but apparently others are worried about damaging the bridge in this piece of shit town, so they turned me down. The others decide to sneak to the edge of the bride and kill them one at a time.

I was told later about the combat. Seamus killed one man with binoculars, and Sid killed a second. Tires were shot. Smoke bombs were used. The bastards crawled into the truck, and Kara once again tried to scare them, but was as useless as ever. They tossed a grenade, which she failed to avoid, but at least her armor was effective enough to make up for her deficits. Rover got hit by the shrapnel and fell due to minor wounds to the leg. They should have let me handle it, but their incompetence goes beyond their combat abilities. The two in the truck were dealt with, eventually. We wasted far too much time there.

We advanced across the bridge, and Sid, Judd, and I took position at the top of a water tower behind the enemy line.

Judd proved that he is not as useless as the others when he noticed an enemy MG in a building. He and I agreed that the building no longer needs to be standing, and readied our shots together. The tactic worked very well, and we obliterated the building, then fled the tower to find new vantage points on top of smaller buildings. I entered the attic of a two story house and, from my position, heard one of our men get killed in a lower floor. Knowing that these people are hopeless anyway, Frebo and I closed the attic's door and raised the ladder, after I took the time to cut the string to the attic. That way, even if the enemy did find us up here, they would have no way to get in quickly enough to survive Frebo, who sat aimed at the entrance.

From what I heard, The assault team got into combat simultaniously (I know, big surprise, enemy territory and all that). Seamus and Sara shot into another building with an MG. The MG stoped firing, so they threw smoke bombs into the building and the assault rushed in. [Stuff Happens] An assault guy's gun jamed, and the seargent was forced to kill 2 people while he fixed it. Plain Jane Wayne threw a grenade, but her mediocrity in all aspects of life reared its head once again. She missed.

While looking out the window, I sae some Ress assault running toward the main group. Ever the hero, I risked my own safety and announced my position by blowing the fuck out of them. The enemy took advantage of this, but without an entrance were forced to shoot blindly threw the ceiling, to no effect. Frebo returned fire in the same way. In the floors below, the old man killed a dude. More firing happened from below. I heard a thud down there, and the firing stopped, so I took the opportunity to reload and watch out the window for more of the bastards.

Jane continued her failures. She missed a bunch and got shot in the side by a rifleman. It penetrated her armor and injured her heavily. Mages saved her worthless life by wasting her attackers with assault fire. The only survivor surrendered, and got knocked out by the butt of the seargent's gun. Old man killed another, who foolishly poked his head out the window.

Sid killed one of the assault that survived my blast, and I kindly requested that Frebo get off his ass and assist in reloading, since he was still cowering in the corner despite the thud from beneath us. I fired another shot while he ran over to help, wasting two more Ress.

Mages and the other assault troops convinced several Ressto surrender, and Mages killed the one who is brave enough to fight. Cabbage shot one of the men who had surrendered. I'd give him a pat on the back, except he only did it since he didn't hear what they were saying, being old and all. One of them then tried to shoot Mages, got wasted, and the others got on the ground. Seamus and Cabbage began treating people.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Frebo and I at this point decided it was time to leave our spot in the attic, and found Rover dead and the heavily injured Ress assault who had been shooting at us. I promptly pulled out Jasmine and blew his fucking head off.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Kara gathered the captured people around the machine gun and takes a picture. I'm quite surprised she didn't pile the corpses in with them. The team regrouped, and moved North. We noticed quickly that the temple had not been damaged, despite the mortars firing at it for hours. Judd tried firing a few AP rounds at it, which were ineffectual. A sniper from the tower returned fire, and Judd blasted the tower, and we didn't hear from him again. He then took another shot at the building. He still had only managed to crack a window. He fired 3 more, and destroys the window. I'd call it a waste of ammo, but it did help us significantly in the end, so hats off to the old pirate. Our riflemen fired grenades in the opening as engineers set explosives by the front door. Knowing I was best at positioning a good blast, I volunteered to set them off with an HE round. While I loaded, Kara, still taking pointless risks, peeked in the opening Judd made, and had MG rounds fired at her. It scared the piss out of her and she fell off the ladder. At that point I blew open the door, and MG fire sprayed out, but, surprisingly, no one was stupid enough to stand in line of fire of the doorway. The engineers filled both openings in the building with hydrocarbons, and I started a fire in the temple with an HE round. Ress soldiers poored out, while aflame, and were met with gunfire. Beautiful.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none">A couple jeeps escaped from the rear, but I was able to take one out with an AP round. Four people jumped out of it. They were dressed like templar, wearing full plate with large SMGs and tower shields. It was a tough fight, but they proved weaker than I expected, given the trouble we had with the last one. They killed one and injured three more of our men before we killed them all.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Several of our guys jumped into jeeps and chased after the surviving Ress vehicle. The mortars set fire to a bridge as the Ress attempted to cross it, allowing our men to catch up. Four more of the armored men jumped out, but one was immediately killed by MG fire from a pursuing jeep. Jane shot and injured another. A fifth man jumped out of the jeep behind the others, blocking view of him. The Ress sprayed their massive magazines into our pursuirs, who had by this point left their vehicles. Sara was injured. Sid got a minor injury. Judd got hit, but was uninjured due to the fact that he is a freaking pirate. Jane was much less fortunate. She was shot off the machine gun and was completely disabled by the base of the truck. Everyone got into cover except Judd. Mortars fired again and hit the bridge, but missed their mark completely. At least they didn't hit any of ours. Judd fired an AP round, which went straight through a shield and killed one. The one in back began summoning shadows, which swirled menacingly around him. It was pretty clear he was the real threat here. Sid shoots another, which was injured. He then locked his shield and began to advance. Sara shot him in the head, but somehow it seemed to barely hurt him at all, and he kept pushing his was toward our men. He blasted Jethro, who survived. Meanwhile Kara apparently decided she was done playing the hero, and crawled over to Jane. She managed to stablize the wounds, though Jane will need serious medical attention before she will be able to fight again. Mortars fired again, ineffectually. Judd fired at the approaching crusader, and hit him in the face once again, but it is partially blocked by the shield. He survived, but is clearly severely injured. He was quickly finished off. Sid fired at the templar standing behind the last crusader, and lightning pulsed around him. He raises his fists, which were then covered in lightning, and advanced at the group.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none">Everyone at the bridge entered a panic. The only man who so far had proven capable of killing one of these things wasn't with them. Some try in vain to engage the templar, but no one was able to even give him minor injuries. Realizing they had no chance to stop him, Kara directed Jane to flee to a park to the northwest, and she hobbled away. The templar reached out to crusader ally and lay a hand upon his shoulder. They muttered a few words to each other, and the crusader retreated through the flames. More mortars fell, but again missed wildly.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Judd almost hit the templar with a AP round, but lightning detonated it before it could reach him. Elliot ran over to Jane and continued tending to her injuries. Sid takes a sniper shot at the Templar. The lightning shield enveloped the bullet, but it went straight through his chest nonetheless. He falls to his knees, severely injured, just as I arrived on the scene in another jeep. I whiped my RPG to my shoulder, swore at him under my breath, and blasted him, leaving nothing of the Cletosian bastard.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Mages, Judd, Kara, Sid, and I then piled into a jeep and drove across the smouldering bridge after the coward who had left his templar to fight us. Sid killed him, but Judd and I decided to vaporize his corpse in a gratuitous display of awesomeness.